Review: The Girl Uptairs by Jessica R. Patch

The Girl Upstairs

by Jessica R. Patch

Release Date: April 28, 2026

2026 Love Inspired Trade

Ebook ARC; 384 Pages

ISBN: 978-1335001368

ASIN: B0F54BB4P3

Audiobook: B0FR66LZRV

Genre: Fiction / Suspense

Source: Review copy from publisher

 

3.5 / 5 Stars

 

Summary

Gwen McDaniel’s life is broken. But she knows the perfect place to fix it. Cold Harbor, Maine, an idyllic small town with views of Acadia National Park, is where she used to vacation with her parents as a child. 

Except from the moment they arrive, Gwen sees and hears things, and it’s more than just the drafts and shadows that are part of any old house. Steven downplays her fears, warning her not to fixate on problems as she has in the past. But Gwen spent years as a homicide detective, and her instincts don’t lie. Something happened here. Proof comes when she rips up the attic’s carpet to discover a chilling message carved into the wood underneath.

As Gwen delves into the history of the house and the Cold Harbor community, she begins to piece the fragments together. And gradually, a terrifying picture A missing girl. A house of horrors. And a dark, decades-old nightmare that is more haunting than Gwen ever imagined…

 

Verdict

The Girl Upstairs was a half-decent take on the unreliable narrator thriller that seems to be quite popular lately. But while it was interesting, if you read enough of these you can figure out the twists and turns quite easily. One of the twists was so obvious, but it got dragged on for quite a while and I did get distracted by wondering when it would finally be revealed and how.  

 

Gwen is the main character of the story and most of the story is told through her eyes.  I wasn't a big fan of Gwen in the beginning of the book.  I don't typically mind unreliable/unlikeable narrators, but I did find it very difficult to root for her as she was quite self-centered and whiny, and as a result, I found it quite difficult to connect with her character.  The amount of times she mentioned she was a detective whenever anyone questioned what she was doing was annoying, as if that would answer why she was asking questions or being difficult.  I get that things were suspicious, but the author relied on telling rather than letting the reader figure things out as they went through the story. I would have liked the secondary characters to have more development as well as certain actions from Steven didn't seem to fit and seemed to be used to only further the story.  

 

The plot moved along rather quickly and I didn't mind the writing style although I could have done with a little less tell me how to think versus let me figure it out on my own.  There were a lot of twists and turns, but I'll be honest, there was very little that surprised me in this book, especially the Tara situation. Sorry, that was just kind of creepy, to be honest.  I did like the creepiness of the house and the things that were found, and there were moments when I was second-guessing my guesses, but as soon as something happened, it would give all the secrets away.  I wish I wasn't so cryptic, but I don't want to give away any secrets if you haven't read the book.  I also wasn't a fan of the way grief was portrayed in this book as it seemed like it was something that could be compared to someone else's grief and there was one sentence that kind of stunned me.  Sorry, comparison of grief is never a good thing and it turned me right off, especially when you perceive yours as being worse than someone else's.  I do think the exploration of this theme as well as how miscarriage is portrayed in this book would make for some interesting book club discussions though.  

 

Verdict

The Girl Upstairs is a fairly predictable thriller, but it does have some darker themes to it as well such as child abuse, miscarriage, trauma, and infertility. I don't think it dealt with the theme of grief in a very beneficial way, but it does make for a very good discussion tool.  I am also not a fan of the trope when nobody believes the main character because they have had mental issues in the past or are grieving; personally, I think this trope is weak and is very overused, something that does appear in this book quite a bit.  However, the book was moody and overall, I did enjoy it as it was a fast read and the writing style did keep me engaged, but there was nothing that was surprising and I thought the twists and turns were easy to figure out. 

 

 

 

Review: Parents Weekend by Alex Finlay

Parents Weekend

by Alex Finlay

Release Date: May 6, 2025

2025 Minotaur Books

Ebook & Audiobook Editions; 312 Pages

ISBN: 978-1250360724

ASIN: B0DBVV6PMG

Audiobook: B0DFQLZKMF

Genre: Fiction / Suspense

Source: Review copy from publisher

 

2 / 5 Stars

 

Summary

In the glow of their children’s exciting first year of college at a small private school in Northern California, five families plan on a night of dinner and cocktails for the opening festivities of Parents Weekend. As the parents stay out way past their bedtimes, their kids—five residents of Campisi Hall—never show up at dinner.

At first, everyone thinks that they’re just being college students, irresponsibly forgetting about the gathering or skipping out to go to a party. But as the hours click by and another night falls with not so much as a text from the students, panic ensues. What led them out on that fateful night? Could it be the sins of their mothers and fathers come to cause them peril or a threat to the friend group from within?

 

My Thoughts

Parents Weekend had a very interesting premise, and as a mom to two children who graduated from university last year, this book caught my attention as there are so many things that can go wrong on campus and it's really hard not to worry about your kids when they are away at school.  But while the premise was interesting, the delivery left something to be desired, and if I had not actually been listening to this book, I would have DNF it for sure.

 

First of all, I could not name one character from this story if my life depended on it without reading the blurb and it's only been about a month since I read it. It's not really the amount of characters that was the issue, it was the amount of POV that was the issue as it meant that none of the characters got any real development as the story just jumped around from chapter to chapter and I stopped caring about what happened to who about halfway through the book.  If the book had just focused on maybe two of them, like one parent and one child, that would have made a lot more sense. 

 

Sadly, the plot itself didn't hold up to the interesting premise. Because while we know that college students have secrets, and the author was trying to portray that concept through this book, secrets that the parents know nothing about, it just didn't work. The plot had so many plot holes that I just stopped paying attention to what was really going on trying to get through it as fast as possible.  While this could have been a great exploration of secrets and the consequences of those secrets, or how kids grow up and develop lives separately from their parents, instead it was a convoluted mess.  Honestly, the parents were worse than the kids. And while I would normally find all of that fascinating, the approach in the book left me feeling distant from any of the characters, and the lack of any thematic development left me wanting to just roll my eyes at the antics of everyone involved. 

 

Verdict

Parents Weekend was just not one of my favourite books by this author. I think fewer POV would have been a lot better for this type of story and would have improved the character development.  I also think it would have helped keep up the tension that is needed for such a book. The premise of the book is great, and I did enjoy the author's thoughts and comments at the end, but overall, a lack of depth with regards to the plot and issues with character development left me disappointed. Not one of his better ones, for sure.  

 

Review: The Perfect Divorce by Jeneva Rose

The Perfect Divorce (Perfect, #2)

by Jeneva Rose

Release Date: April 15, 2025

2025 Blackstone Publishing, Inc.

Ebook ARC (& Audiobook ARC); 288 Pages

ISBN: 979-8874620936

ASIN: B0DGYVBN3X

Audiobook: B0DHDDXQKJ

Genre: Fiction / Suspense

Source: Review copy from publisher

 

1.5 / 5 Stars

 

Summary

It’s been eleven years since high-powered attorney Sarah Morgan defended her husband, Adam, against the charge of murdering his mistress. Sarah has long since moved on, starting a family with her new husband, Bob Miller, and changing careers. Her life is back to being exactly how she always wanted … or is it?

After discovering Bob engaged in a one-night stand, Sarah wastes no time filing for divorce. However, amid their ugly separation, new DNA evidence is uncovered in the case against Adam, forcing the police to reopen the investigation and putting Sarah right back in the spotlight. But when the woman Bob slept with is reported missing, he and Sarah start to fight dirty, and a high-stakes game of cat and mouse ensues. 

My Thoughts

The Perfect Divorce is one of those books that I am truly glad I finished listening to and not in a good way. While I know we are not supposed to really enjoy the characters, I do have to have some empathy for them, even if they do some awful things, but these characters were written in such a way that made them so unsympathetic, bordering on just plain awful.

So, let’s talk about the characters. I can dislike a character intensely, but still find entertainment in the things they do.  A well-written character doesn’t have to be a ‘good’ character, but can have morals and values that are twisted and weird. However, with characters working in jobs where some integrity is needed, I just felt like this was pushing my boundaries when it comes to believability.  Oh, I know there are corrupt lawyers out there, that is not the issue here, it’s all of the other things they did that just bothers me to no end and then they take the high road as if everyone else is at fault and they are innocent. And as readers, we are supposed to buy into this and feel sympathy? No way. Bob and Sarah are still just as entitled as in the first book and there was no character development whatsoever.

And the plot. The implausible plot. The plot holes a mile wide. Not to mention you know exactly who did what from the first chapter. And while there were some entertaining moments, those were few and far between. Most of the time I was rolling my eyes wondering what absurdity I was going to hear next (and because I was driving through most of it, I had to be careful not to roll too much so I could still drive).  I guess just divorcing someone the old-fashioned way doesn't make a good enough story though?  We have to plot a silly, convoluted one, one that tries to have us believe a woman who does what she does actually deserves our sympathy. Embellishment and over-the-top behaviours do not make a plot twist!!! Which is why I laughed out loud when we got to the end and thought, You have got to be kidding me.

Verdict
The Perfect Divorce is time I wish I could take back. I usually DNF these, but honestly, I listened to the end because I was curious as to how embellished this would get and she didn’t didn’t disappoint in that area.  With little character development and an over-the-top plot line, I just can’t recommend this book. However, I do have to commend the narrator as he did a bang-up job. And for the record, I was not a fant of the first one either, but decided to give this one a chance. No more of these for me, though. Happy reading all!

Review: A Killing Cold by Kate Alice Marshall

A Killing Cold

by Kate Alice Marshall

Release Date: February 4, 2025

2025 Flatiron Books

Ebook ARC: 291 Pages

ISBN: 978-1250343055

ASIN: B0D12QMD6L

Audiobook: B0D481YRV6

Genre: Fiction / Suspense

Source: Review copy from publisher

 

2.5 / 5 Stars

 

Summary
When Theodora Scott met Connor—wealthy, charming, and a member of the powerful Dalton family—she fell in love in an instant. Six months later, he’s brought her to Idlewood, his family’s isolated winter retreat, to win over his skeptical relatives.

Theo has tried to ignore the threatening messages on her phone, but she can’t ignore the footprints in the snow outside the cabin window or the strange sense of familiarity she has about this place. Then, in a disused cabin, Theo finds something impossible: a photo of herself as a child. A photo taken at Idlewood.

 

 

My Thoughts

A Killing Cold had some interesting ideas, but honestly, I felt as if the author was trying way too hard to create this suspense and atmosphere through the cold and the snow, but lost focus on the plot and character development to the point that I started to lose interest about half way through the story.  

 

Let me just say that none of the characters were loveable, which is not always an issue for me.  I don't have to necessarily like the characters, but they have to have good motivations for what they do. And to be fair, a couple of them did have interesting backgrounds. But the focus on the family toxicity rather than the reasons for that toxicity was one of the weaknesses for me. Secrets and everything are good if they make sense within the context of a character's motivations, but with a huge attempt at trying to be clever and introduce this major plot twist, a lot of these motivations and interesting character developments got lost in the background. And I just couldn't connect with the MC; again, I don't have to like her, which I didn't, but understanding her motivations and believing in her relationships is important, something that I just couldn't do.  Perhaps the author's attempt to create this unreliable narrator just made a character with whom I couldn't relate.

 

The plot has one of those irresistible settings that I love: isolated mansions, snow, cold, forest, twisted characters, messed-up family dynamics, and mysteries, lots of mysteries. So, what happened? Too many tropes, too many cliches, all jumbled together into a mish-mash of a story that just didn't work for me. Theo was such a boring character and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what Theo and Connor saw in each other. And while I love messed-up family dynamics because...well, why not, this just didn't work. And I think it was simply because the author tried too hard to make the reader think one thing and then switch to another thing. This made character development unreliable and nauseating to follow.  And when you  have a sorry that is similar to so many other stories out there, it has to be believable and it has to have some good character development along with a believable ending. This was not that book.

 

Verdict

A Killing Cold was full of coincidences that triggered bigger events.  So, when you go down the road of coincidences, it really needs to be plausible to be believable, and unfortunately, this didn't work for me. It's not to say that there are not moments that are good, as there definitely were, so I see a lot of potential in this author's work.  However, when you have a bland MC whose memory suddenly starts coming back after twenty years of nothing, a family that's quite toxic, and events that make your mind spin but more in an eye-rolling kind of way, you realize how overblown and repetitive some of the things that happened were. Would I read another book by this author? Yes, I would as there were definitely some things that were done well and I loved the atmospheric descriptions.

 

Review: The Family Inside by Katie Garner

The Family Inside

by Katie Garner

Release Date: January 28, 2025

2025 MIRA

Ebook ARC; 384 Pages

ISBN: 978-0778334460

ASIN: B0D1F7W12N

Audiobook: B0D3RVF8RM

Genre: Fiction / Suspense

Source: Review copy from publisher

2.5 / 5 Stars

Summary

Since her husband’s unsolved murder three years ago, Iris Blodgett’s life has unraveled. Awash in grief and buried in debt, she can’t pay her mortgage.

Facing eviction, Iris turns to her new beau, prominent architect Hugh Smoll, for a shoulder to cry on. But the seemingly perfect Hugh offers her something more in an invitation to move into his mother’s centuries-old mansion while he renovates the property.

With repairs underway, the house gives up its dark secrets one by one. Before long, Iris unearths a chilling family history—and the terrifying reason she and Ellory were invited in the first place…

 

My Thoughts

The Family Inside actually had an intriguing premise and contained a lot of things that I like in a suspense novel. However, the author tried to include way too much and as a result, the overall story was a mishmash of concepts and ideas which didn't flow very well. When you try to throw too many red herrings in a pot, the pot overboils and you end up with a hot mess everywhere.

 

The plot itself moved along rather quickly, but while it had an interesting start, it quickly degenerated into one that was a bit of a mess as the author tried to incorporate too many things.  I really wish the focus had been on one or two themes rather than a bunch of them as this could have been quite fascinating. I also can't stand it when you are in the middle of chapter and realize the POV you thought you were reading was someone completely different and not even from the present time period. This kind of mind f&%$ doesn't sit well with me and I was swearing at the book quite a bit on top of raising my eyebrows. To be honest, I almost DNF it at that point.  I get that it was done on purpose to play with your mind, but it definitely didn't work for me, all it did was piss me off. And while I don't mind a lot of twists and turns, they do need to be believable and I just didn't find a lot of them plausible; personally, I thought a lot of them were just there to have twists and turns in the book. There is a case for fewer twists and more development in a book.

 

With all of those twists and turns, there was little time for character development and it showed. I just couldn't develop empathy for the main characters and wondered how many terrible decisions a person could make in one book.  Apparently, it's a lot.  I don't necessarily have to like a character, but I do have to believe in their motives, in the reasons for what they do. This one didn't convince me at all.  And I don't know about you, but if my kid goes missing, I would tear every wall down I could looking for her. Iris' behaviour just didn't make sense, and it was these types of things that lessened my enjoyment of this book.

Verdict

The Family Inside had a lot of interesting ideas and honestly, with more focus on character development and less focus on shock value through the sheer number of twists and turns, this book would have been so much more intriguing. Unfortunately, I just couldn't connect with the characters and the plot inconsistencies were too much.

 

Review: Do No Harm by Robert Pobi

Do No Harm (Lucas Page, Book #3)

by Robert Pobi

Release Date: August 9, 2022

2022 Minotaur Books

Kindle Edition; 432 Pages

ISBN: 978-1250793645

ASIN: B092T9F97Q

Audiobook: B0B61ZVLD4

Genre: Fiction / Suspense

Source: Review copy from publisher

4 / 5 Stars

Summary

Lucas Page is a polymath, astrophysicist, professor, husband, father of five adopted children, bestselling author, and ex-FBI agent—emphasis on "ex." Severely wounded after being caught in an explosion, Page left the FBI behind and put his focus on the rebuilding the rest of his life.

Lucas Page's wife Erin loses a friend, a gifted plastic surgeon, to suicide and Lucas begins to realize how many people Erin knew that have died in the past year, in freak accidents and now suicide. Intrigued despite himself, Page begins digging through obituaries and realizes that there's a pattern—a bad one. These deaths don't make sense unless the doctors are being murdered, the target of a particularly clever killer. This time, the FBI wants as little to do with Lucas as he does with them so he's left with only one option—ignore it and go back to his normal life. But then, the pattern reveals that the next victim is likely to be...Erin herself.

 

My Thoughts

Do No Harm is the third book in the Lucas Page thriller series, and in this one Lucas is still recovering from the events of the previous book.  An astrophysicist by profession, he has this interesting way of looking at the world, almost disdainful and condescending, but something I though was hilarious, as people struggled to keep up with a mind so sharp as they struggled to see the patterns and thoughts that flitted through his mind so easily.  Missing an eye, arm, and leg meant that people who didn't know him often misunderstood him or underestimated him and I loved those interactions, as exasperating as they could be for a reader.

 

While Lucas has no interest in getting involved in another case, it inevitably find him when he attends a medical bash and discovers that a high amount of doctors have committed suicide or have died through natural causes the previous months.  As he begins to delve deeper, he begins to see patterns that no one else sees and this is where the action takes off.  Once it gets going, the author certainly knows how to keep up the tension and suspense and I had a hard time putting this one down.  Plus, I worried for Erin, being part of the medical community, and that something terrible was going to happen to her.  Having read the previous books, I know the author is not afraid to have terrible things happen to his main characters.  

 

The writing style was riveting as well, as the author blends action with humour and family life, but this actually adds to the tension as you develop empathy for the characters and start to worry that something might happen to one of them.  It was fast-paced, and as soon as I began to relax a little bit, something happened and sent the action flying along again. To be honest, this was a mixture of thriller, suspense, police procedural, and family life all rolled into one great story.  

 

Lucas is a bit difficult to get to know and I don't think I would have felt as much empathy for him if I hadn't read the previous books as he comes across as aloof and a bit snotty.  He doesn't connect very well with others and you only see the genuine person when he is with his adopted kids and his friend who watches them when he is working.  He and Erin work very well together as she is kind and compassionate and often tells him to play nicely with others; their interactions constantly make me smile and I believe are used as comedic relief from the high tension of the other scenes in this book.  We do get to see those rare moments when Lucas lets down his guard, and I have to appreciate the author's skill when he lets us get a glimpse of the real Lucas.   

Verdict

Do No Harm was a clever, action-packed suspense book with much needed levity thrown in through family interactions.  Personally, I can see this series on Netflix or Amazon Prime one day, and I was visualizing who would play the main characters as I read.  The plot was interesting and the character development was good, and I am happy to say the twists and turns led me down a merry path so I had difficulty figuring out the answer to this one, although I had my suspicions.  I really enjoy Lucas Page as a main character as he has such a unique personality, and I am curious as to what will happen to him next. Hopefully, there will be a book four in this series.

 

Review: The Perfect Escape by Leah Konen

The Perfect Escape

by Leah Konen

Release Date: January 4, 2022

2022 G.P. Putnam's Sons

Kindle Edition; 372 Pages

ISBN: 978-0593085448

ASIN: B091PK7HBM

Audiobook: B093MG4298

Genre: Fiction / Mystery

Source: Review copy from publisher

3 / 5 Stars

Summary

New friends Sam, Margaret and Diana are thrilled to be getting out of the city for a girls’ weekend—they’ve bonded over their messy divorces, and every mile on the odometer feels like another step towards putting their exes in the past. But when car trouble halfway into their trip strands them in the most unlikely of mountain towns, they come face-to-face with the hurts and betrayals they were so desperate to leave behind.

When Diana doesn't return home after a night out, Sam and Margaret's search for her reveals just how little they know about their friend. As eerie coincidences and secrets begin to pile up, and an ex-boyfriend arrives in the tiny town, the women realize that their detour may not have been a mistake...and that someone wants to guarantee that they never make it out.

 

My Thoughts

The Perfect Escape had a fairly interesting premise, started off fairly strong, but I thought it went downhill from the middle of the book; I did enjoy the situation in which the girls found themselves, but I struggled with the writing as it seemed to be more in the nature of telling you what was happening rather than letting you figure it out on its own.  

 

Sam, Margaret, and Diana are newish friends who bond over their difficulties with their respective spouses and decide to have a girls' weekend. Unfortunately, something goes wrong right from the beginning and they are stranded overnight in a town that is of interest to one of the other girls.  Personally, I hate coincidences like these and thought this was one of the weakest parts of the book.  For me, it affected the level of suspense and made it way too predictable.  

This was a fast-paced read, although it did slow down considerably in the middle.  Unfortunately, told through the perspectives of only Sam and Margaret took away from the overall suspense as it made Diana look quite suspicious.  Personally, I think having Diana's perspective would have strengthened the overall story.  I wasn't a huge fan of these women as their communication was terrible and they certainly didn't make mature choices.  Maybe they are all passive in nature, but I know I would not have let things go the way they did and I would have asked a lot more questions.  

Verdict

The Perfect Escape was an easy fast-paced read, but it did have some issues with pacing and I thought keeping it to the two perspectives lost some of the overall suspense. The story didn't feel quite like a thriller, but more of a domestic fiction with all of the trials and tribulations of marriage, infidelity, miscarriage, and so on.  There was a nice little twist at the end over which I spent some time reflecting, but it wasn't enough to boost this book. Although this one was a miss for me, if you are looking for an easy beach read, this might be for you.

Review: Hidden by Laura Griffin

Hidden (The Texas Murder Files, Book #1)

by Laura Griffin

Release Date: August 25th 2020

2020 Berkley Books

Kindle Edition; 328 Pages

ISBN: 978-0593197325

ASIN: B08274GMW4

Genre: Fiction / Suspense

Source: Review copy from publisher

3.5 / 5 Stars

Summary

When a woman is found brutally murdered on Austin's lakeside hike-and-bike trail, investigative reporter Bailey Rhoads turns up on the scene demanding access and answers. She tries to pry information out of the lead detective, Jacob Merritt. But this case is unlike any he's ever seen, and nothing adds up.

Bailey has a hunch the victim wasn't who she claimed to be and believes this mugging-turned-murder could have been a targeted hit. When she digs deeper, the trail leads her to a high-tech fortress on the outskirts of Austin where researchers are pushing the boundaries of a cutting-edge technology that could be deadly in the wrong hands.

As a ruthless hit man's mission becomes clear, Bailey and Jacob must embark on a desperate search to locate the next target before the clock ticks down on this lethal game of hide and seek.

 

My Thoughts

Hidden is the first book in a new series, but it was definitely not my favourite book by this author.  I have enjoyed many books by Griffin, and usually love the blend of romance and suspense she creates in her stories.  I thought the storyline was fine, but just didn't feel that connection between the two main characters that elevated this story into romantic suspense that usually takes her books into a whole other level.  

 

Jacob and Bailey, the two main characters in this new series, are quite interesting in their own way.  Bailey is a firecracker of a reporter, demanding answers to questions she has about the crime and about the safety of the community.  I liked her personality and enjoyed her spirit as she definitely doesn't give in to those around her and is quite persistent.

 

Jacob, the lead detective in the case, is the opposite personality wise, much quieter and deeper, but I liked him quite a bit as well.  He is also very persistent and determined to get to the truth no matter what his higher-ups prefer.   I enjoyed learning more about what made him tick.

 

What I didn't like was the two of them together romantically, it just didn't work for me.  I thought they worked really well as a 'team', but it seemed like the author suddenly remembered she was writing romantic suspense and would add these scenes between them to add spark and sensuality between them, but it fell completely fall in my estimation.  I started to just skip over those scenes as I didn't believe in their 'romance'. Sorry, but the connection just wasn't there. The author just didn't flesh out her characters, and the story line, enough for me to believe they would find romance with the other. 

 

The other issue I had with this book was the investigation.  Usually I am caught up in the story line to the point I can't put one of Griffin's books down, but I had to force myself to continue reading this book.  I found it predictable (I even looked at the cover page to make sure I was actually reading a Laura Griffin book), and to be honest, a bit boring.   Don't get me wrong, the police procedural aspect is solid, with plenty to sink your teeth into, but it's simple, and sort of 'light' when I usually expect something dark and heavy and complicated. Maybe that's the problem as I wasn't expecting something like this from this author.

Verdict

Hidden is one of those books that stays on the light side of some pretty dark issues without fully exploring the ramifications of those issues, something over which I was disappointed as I expected more.  I liked the two main characters, but they were definitely not fully fleshed out or developed and the romance between them didn't make a lot of sense.  Hopefully the next book in the series will be more up to her usual standards, but this one definitely fell a bit flat for me.  It was still interesting and I think a lot of people will enjoy it. 

 

Dear Child by Romy Hausmann

Dear Child

by Romy Hausmann

Release Date: October 6th 2020

2020 Flatiron Books (first published 2019 by dtv verlag)

Kindle Edition; 352 Pages

ISBN: 978-1250768537

ASIN: B082RRG14S

Genre: Fiction / Suspense

Source: Review copy from publisher

4 / 5 Stars

Summary

She says her name is Lena. Lena, who disappeared without a trace 14 years prior. She fits the profile. She has the distinctive scar. But her family swears that she isn’t their Lena.

The little girl who escaped the woods with her knows things she isn’t sharing, and Lena’s devastated father is trying to piece together details that don’t quite fit. Lena is desperate to begin again, but something tells her that her tormentor still wants to get back what belongs to him…and that she may not be able to truly escape until the whole truth about what happened in the woods finally emerges.

 

 

My Thoughts

Dear Child is a psychological thriller about a woman who disappeared over thirteen years ago without a trace, but who turns up in a hospital, with a thirteen-year-old daughter, after a being hit by a car in a remote forest in the middle of the night.  Twisty and edgy, this one kept me guessing until the end.

The plot line is told in multiple POVs: Lena's father, Mathias; Lena; and Lena's daughter, Hannah. There are no chapters in this book and the story just shifts from one POV to another, and can also jump from one time period to another.  The switch between POVs and time periods is quite seamless though, and I had no problem following along as each person had their unique voice and personality, plus each section was labelled by whose voice we heard. 

 

That this story is dark is definitely not in doubt as you can't discuss a missing woman for thirteen years without darkness, but how dark it actually gets is disturbing.  The pacing moves rather quickly, and while there are some disturbing scenes, most of it is left up to the imagination of the reader to understand what really happened in the cabin in the woods.  Unfortunately for me, I have quite a vivid imagination, but I am eternally grateful to the author for not going into graphic detail or I definitely do not think I would have been able to finish this book.  That 'Lena' would have suffered terribly is never in question, and I spent some time after finishing the novel trying to imagine how she could have endured it. But I did have some questions as well as there are loop holes in this story a mile wide; unfortunately, I can't discuss them on here as they are major plot spoilers, but I am itching to discuss them with someone who has read this book.   

One of the main problems I had with this book was with the main character, Mathias.  I don't know if I was supposed to feel sympathetic towards him, but I couldn't; by the end of the book, I loathed him. I understand that he is suffering over the loss of his daughter and doesn't want to hear anything negative about her, but some of the things he did would have been obstruction of justice here in Canada.  I kept forgetting the book is a German translation as the author lives in Stuttgart so the justice system does not work the same way, but the things he did just blew me away.  His character certainly made me think about how well we actually know our own children and how easily we can drive them away by seeing through rose-tinted glasses and not really listening to their needs and their desires.  

I also was not overly fond of Hannah, but for different reasons.  I believe the author did that on purpose to show the reader the effects of isolation and watching one parent abuse another for years can have on their psychological development. Her reactions to things made me shiver as they were so cold and calculating.  

Lena's chapters were absolutely the most interesting thing about this book.  I'll have to stop here though as there are major plot spoilers if I discuss them so you will just have to read the book to understand. However, I will say it was her story that left me with the most questions as it seemed to have the most loop holes. Contrived plot points? Absolutely.  

Verdict

Dear Child was certainly not what I was expecting.  It was a creepy, psychological thriller that I had a hard time putting down, one that was full of twists and turns, even if I was not fond of all the characters.  The ending was a little crazy, and it was certainly not the person I thought it was, but it was an interesting twist, if a little jarring as it came out of nowhere although looking back I do see some of the clues.  If you're looking for something creepy, then I recommend this English debut novel by this author, and I am looking forward to the next psychological thriller.

 

Review: The Order by Daniel Silva

The Order (Gabriel Allon, Book #20)

by Daniel Silva

Release Date: July 14th 2020

2020 Harper

Kindle Edition; 444 Pages

ISBN: 978-0062834843

ASIN: B07Z3NMF9X

Genre: Fiction / Thriller

Source: Review copy from publisher

3 / 5 Stars

Summary

Gabriel Allon has slipped quietly into Venice for a much-needed holiday with his wife and two young children. But when Pope Paul VII dies suddenly, Gabriel is summoned to Rome by the Holy Father’s loyal private secretary, Archbishop Luigi Donati. A billion Catholic faithful have been told that the pope died of a heart attack. Donati, however, has two good reasons to suspect his master was murdered. The Swiss Guard who was standing watch outside the papal apartments the night of the pope’s death is missing. So, too, is the letter the Holy Father was writing during the final hours of his life. A letter that was addressed to Gabriel.

While researching in the Vatican Secret Archives, I came upon a most remarkable book....

The book is a long-suppressed gospel that calls into question the accuracy of the New Testament’s depiction of one of the most portentous events in human history. For that reason alone, the Order of St. Helena will stop at nothing to keep it out of Gabriel’s hands. A shadowy Catholic society with ties to the European far right, the Order is plotting to seize control of the papacy. And it is only the beginning.

As the cardinals gather in Rome for the start of the conclave, Gabriel sets out on a desperate search for proof of the Order’s conspiracy and for a long-lost gospel with the power to put an end to 2,000 years of murderous hatred. His quest will take him from the Ponte Vecchio in Florence, to a monastery in Assisi, to the hidden depths of the Secret Archives, and finally to the Sistine Chapel, where he will witness an event no outsider has ever before seen - the sacred passing of the Keys of St. Peter to a newly elected pope.

 

My Thoughts

The Order is the next instalment in the Gabriel Allon series and while you don't necessarily have to read the previous entries in order to understand this book, it does help as Gabriel was friends with the pontiff who passed away and has some history in Italy.

 

First of all, this is a series that is grounded in reality, with some pretty hard-hitting elements.  Yes, you have to suspend reality a lot of the time as Allon is in his late sixties and often dodges his security team when outside of Israel to do some pretty risky stuff, but it is entertaining and the action is usually non-stop.  This book took on a really different flavour from the previous books and even added a supernatural element (Yeshua, really?) that I didn't like as it didn't fit in with the series. In fact, if I hadn't looked at the cover to see Daniel Silva's name on it, I would have thought I was reading a Dan Brown novel. 

 

I have usually enjoyed the books where Gabriel is in Italy, especially in The Vatican, but I am not particularly fond of this one as it seemed like he spent the majority of the book putting down the Roman Catholic religion.  Yes, I know it was responsible for some terrible things in the past, but I know for a fact there is much more to the story during World War II than what is mentioned in this book as I have a history background and I thought the explanations regarding the pope during that time period were very biased and unfair.   Also, to paint the church as being filled with right-wing political activists does the Church an injustice; how can you decide that over 1 billion people in the world have right-wing tendencies simply because of their religion?  The conspiracy theories went a little too far in my opinion.

 

What Silva is able to do however, is create plausible theories. I liked the element of the old pontiff, Pope Paul VII (who appears in previous books) leaving Gabriel a secret document that could shake the foundations of religious thinking, a Gospel of Pontius Pilate. The philosophy behind this in the book is that the selection of the four Gospels in the Bible were responsible for the anti-semitism all these years, including the choice to hide other Gospels, including the one by Pilate, which would have given a different spin on things.  However, the sources chosen by the author were chosen very carefully to support his arguments, and a lot of respected researchers and arguments were left out of this work.. As a researcher, this type of biased researching offends me. Enough said.

 

However, I don't read a Daniel Silva novel for religious indoctrination, I read them because the plot is usually quick and the action is often non-stop.  This was not the case in this book and at times, it moved so slowly, it was...gasp...boring.  And I LIKE history.  There was even a three-page discussion of what would happen if there was a global pandemic and how the world would react.  You guessed it, no one would be prepared.  Gee, no criticism of the political leaders there.  Especially as some of the political leaders in this book seemed to parrot actual political leaders in our world today as well as actual situations and political movements.  

 

Verdict

The Order was definitely not this author's best work.  Typically, his books are engaging and thrilling with non-stop action that leaves you breathless.  Not in this one.  To be honest, I thought the plot was really preachy in the sense that we kept getting lectures about the problems between the Catholic Church and the Jewish population. I am never opposed to a history lesson, and his books have often contained interesting nuggets of history, but when it is as biased as it was in this book, then I take issue. I will be giving this author another chance, so hopefully he will return to more of his historical thriller style novel and stay away from his own personal political agendas or I may call it quits with this author.    

 

  

Review: The Third to Die by Allison Brennan

The Third to Die (Quinn & Costa Thriller, Book #1)

by Allison Brennan

Release Date: February 4th 2020

2020 Mira Books

Hardcover Edition; 460 Pages

ISBN: 978-0778309444

ASIN: B0754BCCQM

Genre: Fiction / Mystery

Source: Review copy from publisher

 

4 / 5 Stars

 

Summary

Detective Kara Quinn, on leave from the LAPD, is on an early morning jog in her hometown of Liberty Lake when she comes upon the body of a young nurse. The manner of death shows a pattern of highly controlled rage. Meanwhile in DC, FBI special agent Mathias Costa is staffing his newly minted Mobile Response Team. Word reaches Matt that the Liberty Lake murder fits the profile of the compulsive Triple Killer. It will be the first case for the MRT. This time they have a chance to stop this zealous if elusive killer before he strikes again. But only if they can figure out who he is and where he is hiding before he disappears for another three years. The stakes are higher than ever before, because if they fail, one of their own will be next...

 

My Thoughts

The Third to Die is the first book in the Mathias Costa and Kara Quinn thriller series, and while first books can sometimes take awhile to really get momentum going in terms of both character and plot development, I thought the author did a great job with both.  The plot moved quickly enough and characters were introduced in such a way as to make them interesting and you wanted to learn more about them and their backgrounds as only tidbits were given.  I enjoyed this book a lot more than I was expecting.

 

I really liked he characters and the character development in this book.  Kara is a police officer on leave from the LAPD, an undercover officer, and she doesn't really know what to do with her free time. I should mention she was on a forced leave and was quite frustrated about the whole thing so she often came across as prickly and cool.  I loved her character however, as the author did a great job slowly peeling away the layers of her personality and background so you understood her better.  While cool, she was also very, very, very good at her job. And while you don't learn everything, you do learn enough to pique your interest and want to learn MORE about her.   Having found the body while on a run in the woods, she was asked to help in the investigation as she was quite familiar with the area and the people.  

The FBI had created something called the MRT, the Mobile Response Team, and Matt had been tasked to head the force that would run it. Basically, the unit would travel to smaller towns that didn't have a FBI presence to tackle those investigations where they were needed and have full support at their fingertips.  The team hadn't yet been assembled when Matt was given this murder investigation, so it was interesting to see it all come together throughout the novel as well as meet some of the different players you know are going to feature strongly in future books.  I was very curious about the profiler, Catherine Jones, as there was definitely a history between her and Matt; a story that really needs to be told, like a short story?  Apparently, Catherine's sister was involved with Matt, but died during a previous case. Again, tidbits given, that's all.  It just leaves you wanting to learn more.  

The plot itself was a little on the drawn-out side, but I did enjoy it a lot.  The reason I think it was a little long is the author was setting up some characters and situations for future books so it needed to be that way.  This is much more of a police procedural type of novel, but I really enjoy those and love seeing the steps that police officers and other agents have to take in order to solve a crime.  I find it rather fascinating.  

Verdict

The Third to Die was a worthy first book to a brand-new series.  While more of a police procedural, it was smartly written with bursts of action and suspense. And while the ending was satisfying, the characters' past lives and situations were not fully developed or explored which leaves a lot of room for the author to flesh them out in future books.  I recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a good suspense novel with interesting characters. 

Genesis by Layton Green

Unknown 9: Genesis (Genesis Trilogy, Book #1)
by Layton Green
Release Date: March 13th 2020
2020 Reflector Entertainment Ltd
Epub ARC: 432 Pages
ISBN: 978-1999229702
ASIN: B081VW4CHG
Genre: Fiction / Suspense
Source: Review copy from author

5 / 5 Stars

Summary
Strange hallucinations have plagued PhD student Andie Robertson throughout her life. After years of consulting doctors, she decided the visions were a glitch in her own mind until her mentor, the famous physicist Dr. James Corwin, is murdered in Italy, and Andie finds a stack of ink drawings in his office that bear a remarkable resemblance to her hallucinations.

Determined to find answers, Andie follows a trail of clues placed by Dr. Corwin, for reasons unknown, in museums and cultural sites around the world, highlighting human achievement as well as a tapestry of secret knowledge woven into the threads of history.

Yet Andie is not the only one searching. Powerful forces know of her mentor's invention, including a mysterious elite society that spans borders and will stop at nothing to find the device. Now a target herself, Andie and a disgraced journalist embark on a perilous journey that might hold the key to a new frontier of knowledge-and which also promises to unlock the doors of her past.

My Thoughts
I was thrilled to be offered Genesis to review as I have been a huge fan of this author since I first read his Dominic Grey series ages ago, and I was curious as to the subject matter he would present next in his novels.  I was definitely not disappointed; a puzzle thriller with mathematics and physics, and some conspiracy theories, at the heart, this book starts off with a bang and doesn't really let up until the end. 

Now, this book is quite deceptive as the author actually throws quite a lot at the reader; you've got everything from conspiracy theories about aliens, to government coverups, to mathematical and scientific theories, to secret societies.  I loved the scientific and mathematics concepts in this book and was thrilled to meet Niels Bohr, Werner Heisenberg, Paul Dirac***, and one of the characters, Ettore Majorana, plus some mathmaticians from the Ancient World.  Anyone with any knowledge of mathematics/physics will be familiar with those names, even Einstein was mentioned although he hasn't appeared as of yet.  And while you non-scientific people may be quailing at the thought of math and science, do not despair, as the author has this amazing ability to explain the concepts in layman's terms so it is easily understood, or as easily understood as possible.   

Like all of Layton's books, while the action can be pulse-pounding, the strength always lies in his characters and in their development.  Andie (Andromeda) and Cal come from completely different worlds, she is a physics doctoral student while Cal is an investigative journalist fired for digging into things he shouldn't have, and the two have crossed paths in their struggle against an organization known only as LYS. Andie's mentor and close family friend was murdered while on a business trip in Bologna, leaving some cryptic clues for Andie to figure out, telling her to trust no one, not even her family, thrusting her into a political struggle that has existed for a long time. Having little experience in evasion, I like how both of them rely on their wits to evade the people chasing them, plus a little bit of luck, but the luck doesn't seem forced or fake.  Having read this author before, I know not to take for granted anything in his books, so I am always paying attention to everything, even if I don't understand, as I know it will be explained later on.  

The plot of the book can be quite intense, in particular the second half of the book as Andie and Cal race after clues trying to evade people who are after them (and I am still trying to sort out who are the bad guys and who are the good guys in these rival factions).  Keep in mind, this is the first book of a planned trilogy, so the author is setting up characters and events for future novels, so the first half of the book does exactly that.  However, I find it all fascinating and intriguing; having both a science and history background, this was right up my ally.  The story does split into different POVs, even going back to the 1930s, told from Ettore Majorana's POV, giving us a plausible reason for his disappearance before WWII.  The multiple story lines are flow quite seamlessly together and I enjoyed the back and forth as it advanced the story without giving too much away.

Verdict
Genesis does a great job making the story and the characters compelling and interesting. I have always loved puzzle element story lines so this was right up my alley, and I am thrilled there are two more books to come in this trilogy.  The author gives the right balance between explanation, description, and action without overwhelming; I particularly loved his descriptions of Egypt and Venice.  I highly recommend this book (and his other ones too), and am looking forward to the next book in this trilogy.

Review: Into the Fire by Gregg Hurwitz

Into the Fire (Orphan X, Book #5)
by Gregg Hurwitz
Release Date: January 28th 2020
2020 Minotaur Books
Kindle Edition; 400 Pages
ISBN: 978-1250120458
ASIN: B0758K7QDZ
Genre: Fiction / Suspense
Source: Review copy from publisher

5 / 5 Stars

Summary
Max Merriweather is at the end of his rope. Separated from the woman he loves and barely scraping by, Max is a disappointment to everyone in his life. Then his very successful cousin Grant is brutally murdered. Two months before, Grant left Max an envelope with instructions to take it to a reporter if anything happened to him. Now the reporter is missing and Max’s apartment is ransacked. A man at the end of his rope, he calls The Nowhere Man.

With mixed feelings, Evan takes on this mission, easily finding the men who are after Max and executing a plan to keep him safe. But it isn’t as obvious as it seems—and Evan finds himself enmeshed in one of the most challenging missions of his life, one that he can’t survive on his own. With the help of Joey Morales, a genius-level hacker and the last Orphan recruited into the Program, and the brilliant, off-the-books gunsmith, Tommy Stojack, Orphan X once more heads…Into the Fire.

My Thoughts
Into the Fire is the fifth book in the Orphan X series and while it looks to be the final book in the series, the ending gives me hope there is more to come as this has become one of my favourite suspense series out there.  Evan Smoak, known to others as The Nowhere Man, helps those who desperately need help but can't turn to the police for various reasons or just can't find a way out of a really desperate situation.  Once part of a super-secret espionage system, he has broken free and destroyed the system and those hunting him, leaving him to do one last mission before finally retiring and attempting to live a normal life.

I am such a huge fan of Evan, and not just because he can do all of these super cool manoeuvres in some pretty dangerous situations, but because of his struggle with trying to be human.  For such a long time he was just a killing machine, but life had shown him there was more to it and he was woefully unprepared and untrained for living it.  Watching him awkwardly go through social situations is heart-breaking and emotional at the same time, and you just have to root for the guy, hoping he will one day learn how to interact with other people, and feel comfortable doing it.  Perhaps one day he can let down his guard. I have loved going through every step of it with him.

That being said, I also love the hard-core part of Evan, the man who gets things done and knows his job like no one else.  His missions have gotten more complicated throughout the series, but they have also introduced him to some pretty interesting people, like Joey, the computer genius who appears in this book, thank goodness.  And as Evan is thrown into one situation after another, each one proving to be more challenging than he thought, Joey was right there helping him get through the technological side to his espionage.  And what a ride it was!!  I have learned with these books you can not lower your guard for a moment; as soon as one thing ends, there is something else waiting in the wings, but the author also manages to throw in some humour and other interesting tidbits along the way.  I mean, the scene where Evan gets attached to his anti-gravity bed by his boots was priceless and I couldn't stop chuckling; it definitely makes him more human and endears him to the reader as even a perfect fighting machine makes mistakes.  And then the dog.  Oh my, the dog!!!  I won't say any more but thank you for allowing Evan to rescue that fighting pup, and giving it to Joey was perfect.  It made my day!! If I hadn't been  a huge fan of Evan before, that would definitely have done it for me.  

Which brings me to the action in this book. Non-stop.  The action is fast-paced, gripping, and intense. Having read all the previous books in this series, I knew better than to think the job would be simple, but it was definitely a lot more complicated than even I would have thought.  And I have to give this author huge credit for his surprise endings as there were two huge surprises in this one.  One I absolutely did not see coming, but one which gives me hope of another book.  

Verdict
Into The Fire was another great entry into a fabulous series.  Evan is tested to his limits in this one, especially after he suffers a serious concussion, and the action is intense. However, the author does manage to capture Evan's humanity and there are definitely some humerous moments in here too.  While it's not absolutely necessary to have read the previous books in order to understand this book, I do highly recommend you start with the first one as it definitely gives you a better understanding of the Orphan X program and some of things with which Evan previously dealt.  And it will give you a better understanding of Evan.  Highly, highly recommend this book and series. 

Review: The Lying House by Rick Mofina

The Lying House
by Rick Mofina
Release Date: November 26th 2019
2019 Mira Books
Kindle Edition; 512 Pages
ISBN: 978-0778308881
ASIN: B07MW73YGD
Genre: Fiction / Suspense
Source: Review copy from publisher

3 / 5 Stars

Summary
Lisa Taylor had friends, family and a job she loved back in Cleveland. But when her husband, Jeff, lands the promotion of a lifetime, she gives it all up to stand by him. Their whirlwind move to Miami feels like an adventure, their idyllic new neighborhood the perfect place to start a family. But their dreams are shattered when a stranger breaks into their house, holding a knife to Lisa's throat before Jeff can chase him off.

Suddenly, every sacrifice Lisa made is like a loss she'll never recover from. But Jeff makes it clear there's too much at stake to return to Ohio. Isolated and afraid, Lisa becomes a hostage in her own home. She can't shake the feeling she's being watched. And with the man she married growing increasingly unrecognizable, she's starting to wonder whether their hasty move was to pursue a better life--or escape a chilling past that won't be outrun.

My Thoughts
The Lying House was a light, enjoyable read, but I definitely don't think this was one of his best works.  I love this author and always look forward to his new novels as I love the suspense he creates with his characters and the way he lays out his chapters, usually giving little away to the reader.  For whatever reason, I thought this one was very predictable, even if well-written, and I easily figured out who the culprit was very early on.  This is not the usual case with this author and I was kind of disappointed by this.

The first third of the book moved along quite quickly and I have to admit the first few chapters were quite explosive and interesting, and I had high hopes the story would continue with that sense of suspense and evil hanging over the main characters.  The author always manages to infuse his writing with this sense of foreboding that makes you tense, just waiting for something unexpected to happen.  And while this writing style was definitely evident at the beginning, something...changed.  I can't quite put my finger on what it was as the writing style was still quite good, but that sense of foreboding was simply...gone.  And then I wasn't as invested in the story or the characters.

And while I sort of liked the characters, I didn't find them extraordinary.  Their childhood issues were quite easy to figure out, especially Jeff's, and Lisa's childhood trauma was also easy to figure out if you really thought about what happened.  Unfortunately, if I say more I will gave away some plot points and I don't want to do that here.  To be honest, I couldn't really figure out what importance that had on the present day other than to find some type of conflict between the two characters but that conflict seemed a bit contrived to me.  And my, the neighbour was annoying.  

Verdict
The Lying House was quite predictable from very early on and did not quite live up to this author's usual standards of suspense.  I was not the biggest fan of the main characters as I thought they were whiny and self-entitled.  The ending was okay, but a bit too pat.  I really think I would have preferred a twist or something to make it a bit more interesting.  Overall, a light, enjoyable read but if you have read his previous works, you may be a bit disappointed by this one. If you have never read a book by this author, I highly recommend the Tom Reed and Walt Sydowski series as well as the Jason Wade books.

Review: Good Girls Lie by J.T. Ellison

Good Girls Lie
by J.T. Ellison
Release Date: December 31st 2019
2019 MIRA
Kindle Edition; 384 Pages
ISBN: 978-0778330776
ASIN: B07L7B1P3Z
Genre: Fiction / Suspense
Source: Review copy from publisher

3.5 / 5 Stars

Summary
Perched atop a hill in the tiny town of Marchburg, Virginia, The Goode School is a prestigious prep school known as a Silent Ivy. The boarding school of choice for daughters of the rich and influential, it accepts only the best and the brightest. Its elite status, long-held traditions and honor code are ideal for preparing exceptional young women for brilliant futures at Ivy League universities and beyond.

But a stranger has come to Goode, and this ivy has turned poisonous.

In a world where appearances are everything, as long as students pretend to follow the rules, no one questions the cruelties of the secret societies or the dubious behavior of the privileged young women who expect to get away with murder.

When a popular student is found dead, the truth cannot be ignored. Rumors suggest she was struggling with a secret that drove her to suicide.

My Thoughts
Good Girls Lie is one of those books that I would immediately find intriguing simply because it takes place in a boarding school. Doesn't matter if it's historical, mystery, YA, paranormal, etc... I would read it simply because I am fascinated by stories that take place in big, historical buildings that have secrets, secret rooms, and secret tunnels.   Gets me every time. The story itself was interesting, but I did find it predictable and very easy to figure out.  

First of all, I have always liked this author's writing style.  She has this way of creating spooky, exciting atmospheres that just draw the reader into her stories, atmospheres full of secrets, secret rooms and secret tunnels and secret societies, things I just love about these stories.  To be honest, I wish there had been more information given about the spooky stuff that had happened as I found it quite interesting and it could have been woven into the story line to create an even greater effect.  I mean you've got this rich, privileged, private school located in the Virginia mountains with a century of history behind it, so there could have been so much rich history intertwined in the story. These girls are taught that their Honour Code is the most important thing, but don't think twice about bending the rules if necessary.  This leaves the door open for so much mischief and mayhem.

Unfortunately, I thought the plot was quite predictable and as soon as I read this one specific chapter about the main character's background, I pretty much had the whole story figured out which really ruined the twists and turns in the rest of the book for me.  I really wish the author hadn't given us so much information as it's much more interesting to figure things out for ourselves.  The beginning of the book was quite interesting, with a lot of disturbing incidents as well as some interesting moments between the girls, but then...bam, the scene that I mentioned.  And then things got really predictable, although the writing style still draws you in. But I got a bit bored because I knew where things were going and nothing was surprising.

Verdict
Good Girls Lie is not one of my favourite books by this author as it doesn't make you think too much about what is happening; in fact, if you are good at puzzles, you pretty much have the whole book figured out one-third of the way in.  I wasn't overly impressed with any of the characters and definitely didn't empathize with any of them.  And while the story is not overly boring, it's not overly memorable either.  Would I recommend it? Hard to say at this point. I guess it's one of those books you'd have to read and judge for yourself.